Let’s Set You Up to Fail

It’s almost the start of another academic year, with hopes that this one will bring some sense of “normalcy” back to things. But please, for the love of all things sacred, let’s not go back to normal or the way things were. Let’s dump "tradition" by scrapping those tired programs, meetings, events, socials, and philanthropies and try something (anything) new.

However, there’s something you need to be prepared for: most people don’t like change. And, well, there’s a good chance you’re going to fail. I’m on a mission to help people live up to my last name (yes, my real last name is Faill) by viewing failure through vulnerability and effective leadership. I’m not sure why we’ve become so scared to fail at things anymore. Perhaps we’re more concerned with what people will say about us than being happy with trying something new and it not working out the first time. We need to be more willing to try new things. Fail at them. And then try it differently, or try something new altogether. Most of the time we stop ourselves before we even start. We’ve talked ourselves out of something new and exciting because others don’t believe it’s possible, and we listen to those voices rather than the voice that says it’s worth a try. Here’s the thing though: An eagle doesn’t concern itself with the thoughts of chickens. So, if you want to be the best and try new and innovative things as a chapter or community, why do we listen to those too scared to step out of their own comfort zone?

That being said, let’s take a quick journey through your events and see if there’s room for some change…

Meetings: I’m willing to bet your meetings are just a series of announcements, that could be an email that no one would read, but they’re also not listening in the meeting anyway. What if meetings were an opportunity to discuss how your members are currently feeling or discuss what they want from the fraternal experience? What if you set aside specific time for trainings or member development activities (and not just the ones required by campus/headquarters)? What if you really used meetings as an opportunity to just “be” in fellowship with each other?

Events: I have a feeling it’s like pulling teeth to get members to want to attend your (non-social) events. Maybe it’s because we’ve just been recycling what we’ve always done because it’s easier and requires less thinking/planning? What if your events weren’t mandatory? What if not every member was required to attend? What if our events reflected who we are as chapters or as a community? What if we didn’t feel like we had to create a new event to build community but instead, showed up to campus events already happening and built community that way?

Socials: Usually it’s the same copy/paste approach to social events: pre-game somewhere unofficial, show up to a house or load a bus, loud music and sticky floors, and filling people in the next day on what happened if they got too drunk. I know we’re better than this. One of my favorite memories was when a fraternity used their social budget to plan an afternoon fair as a social event with a sorority, complete with bounce houses and popcorn machines and the works. Granted they had to do it because they were on social probation, but rather than complaining that life wasn’t fair and the university was out to get them, they owned their mistakes and moved forward. What if we rethought what social events could look like and where they took place? What if sober monitors weren’t upset because they were required to be sober, only to get twice as schmammered at the next event? What if we didn’t have to worry about our members making good choices once alcohol is introduced?

Service & Philanthropies: There’s nothing more frustrating than hearing chapter members complain when having to show up for their own philanthropy and service events. These events should be FUN and our own members should be excited to bring others around. Philanthropy shouldn’t be an excuse to pre-game either. Perhaps we could look at why we’re doing them and then open up a discussion on what kinds of service we could do (or at least stop mandating service hours as sanctions)? Or maybe we could brainstorm new (non-sports related) ways to raise money for causes that are important to us? Or wait, maybe we should find causes that are important to us in the first place?

So where do you go from here? Easy. You shake shit up. Throw out your current events and agendas and ask your members what they would like to do. See if there’s a new idea that someone has or a new suggestion for a way to do things, but most importantly, don’t squash new ideas. Maybe there’s no such thing as a bad idea, but there is such a thing as chapter complacency. And that stuff will infect and affect all aspects of operations and membership morale.

This also means you’re going to invite criticisms and naysayers. And with that, I’ll reiterate the words of a mentor of mine: “Some will. Some won’t. So what.” Some people will get what you’re trying to do. Some won’t get it or won’t want to help change. So what? Why do we always waste our time on the negative 20% of the chapter members that cause 80% of the problems? If you want your chapter to be functional, you need to excuse those people that continue to invite in disfunction.

When we invite in new initiatives and ideas, we’re also going to invite aspects of failure. But here’s the amazing thing about failure: you learn so much more about yourself and your potential – as an individual and as an organization and community. As leaders, it’s our responsibility to lead with integrity and vulnerability. We don’t have to have all the answers. But we should inspire our members and chapters and communities to be better, and that starts with acknowledging we’ve got room to improve. And that’s where we should begin, a solid exercise in vulnerability. We have a responsibility to create a space where our members feel safe enough to voice concerns, bring up new ideas, and know they won’t get the boot if they try a new initiative or program. Even if it fails.

If you’d like to learn more about how to get excited about failure and trying new things, I’d love to help however I can. You can even download a free resource on failure, or any of my keynote offerings, at www.DanFaill.com.

Dan is a speaker and consultant with ForCollegeForLife, and is accepting inquiries for virtual or in-person engagements for your community. Dan lives in Los Angeles with his two kids that he encourages to fail, just not on report cards.