How Empowering Women is getting lost in translation of Positive Panhellenic Contact and Promotion of the Sorority Experience
I spend a lot of time on college campuses challenging communities to consider what it really means to empower one another. College Panhellenic’s love to adopt the phrase “Empowered Women Empower Women” but when pressed as to what that looks like during sorority recruitment, I am often met with shifting eyes and a long pause. And, rightfully so.
FILTERED THINKING & LIES WE BELIEVE
It makes sense that our instinct is to compete, fight and win- to stand out and be the best. Oftentimes, it has been ingrained in us from a young age- by our parents, society, cultures and media- that there are specific ingredients that make us acceptable or unacceptable as women. While these implications may not be ill intended, they can most certainly create solid beliefs that we run our decision-making through that impact how we determine whether we are “enough" or “less than” in the communities where we find ourselves. These filters influence how we choose to act, react, take risks or stay small.
When we are taught that appearance is more important than what is real (unless what is real is really well put together), we are set up to compete, compare and consequently often see our own glass as half empty. We then begin to believe lies like:
“I have to be this size to be pretty”
“there is only room for some of us” and
“my value is dependent upon being better than another’s”
that contribute to a core belief that we are only enough if we are perfect, better-than and justified. These lies are dangerous and can lead to unachievable expectations, disappointment, resentment and mistrust of other women. It’s difficult to reconcile what collaboration looks like when it is ingrained in us to be crabs in a bucket; to pull each other down, hoard resources, and only cheer for those who are not a threat to us.
Enter: Panhellenic Recruitment.
RECRUITMENT PRACTICES
I don’t want to believe that anyone’s intention is to find value in putting others down, but that doesn’t keep it from happening, nor does that prevent it from being normalized as “just part of the process”. It is in our human nature to want to know where we live in the food chain. But when we add in filters that lead to lies we believe and then top them off with both internal and external pressures to “be the best”, sometimes our behaviors amount to the very stereotypes we say we are fighting against.
We can’t tell PNMs we want them to feel comfortable being themselves, and then show up dressed alike and “camera ready” and expect them to believe us. We also can’t make members who “don’t get to talk to girls” feel important if our actions show them that they are not. We can’t claim “Empowered Women Empower Women'' if we are fueled by the single goal of ensuring that our status is greater than the others. I challenge these mixed messages by helping campus leaders connect motives with behaviors and align their practices with their values- but because these factors are so deeply ingrained in how we perceive our own value, perhaps a rule like “Positive Panhellenic Contact” far outreaches realistic expectations of both our current members and our alumnae to truly promote the overarching sorority experience.
CONFIDENCE vs INSECURITY DRIVEN BEHAVIORS
When I work with campuses in the recruitment space I promote collaboration over competition. I am often met with looks like I have three heads- but when women start to see the collective power available to them and how great it can make us feel to take the focus off of striving for a minute and work to help others, their cultures begin to shift. They begin to identify and address the lies within their specific campus culture and they visibly become more empowered by choosing to empower others.
Insecurity says: “I need to be better than others to be enough”. Insecurity is constantly comparing and analyzing what others are doing. Insecurity is only willing to collaborate with and help those who are not seen as a threat. Insecurity creates stories in its head about the motives, actions and intentions of others. Insecurity says: “someone else’s success equals my failure. I don’t want others to succeed.” I wonder how often our members engage in activities and practices that don’t advance our values- or even serve them well personally- simply because it is what they see happening around them and are too concerned with fitting in to weigh out the pros and cons or question why others are participating, too.
Confidence says: “I will help you.”
“Do you have the same goals and dreams as I do? I’ll still help you- because I know we are stronger together."
“We compete for the same women during recruitment? I believe in who our chapter is enough to trust that who we are will shine through- and that the awesomeness of who you are will shine through, too. I also trust that a PNM knows themself and their needs better than we could ever know those things for them. We can help each other without harming ourselves. Growing the community is a win for all of us.” We can all be who we are without having to adopt the labels of “better than” or “less than”. Choosing to recognize the motivation of our choices can be really uncomfortable, but the consequences of not starting to do so can be costly.
I don’t see it as failure when a woman decides that she is more comfortable in another chapter. I do see it as failure, however, when we don’t let one of our own make quota because we didn’t advocate for the community at large. So we shift outside of the norm and start to think about the strength of the whole sustaining better. I encourage chapters to talk about one another during recruitment- the friends they have other places. In a moment where a PNM might want nothing more than to be where you are- and that doesn’t become possible- imagine the gift you might have given them to have shared that you have a friend in a chapter that is still an available option for her. We like to blame low retention on hometown gossip and men’s group chatter- which of course are factors- but there’s nothing that can challenge preconceived notions more compellingly than seeing women respect and promote one another across letter-lines and validating the choices a PNM has as great ones, knowing that all of our chapters are made up of amazing women with varying thoughts, interests and talents. When we choose to decide that every woman in our community holds value then we will see that every woman added to our community brings value- then we will stop perpetuating sameness- obsessing over social media and focusing outward to see what other chapters/members/communities are doing to inform our behaviors and recruitment practices without truly analyzing them. There is nothing to lose by adopting collaboration and genuinely acting in the advancement of our relationships. But it takes confidence to want to see others win.
When collaboration happens, it’s the most beautiful thing to see- but the learning curve is usually high. The risk feels massively large because it isn’t how we have been taught to view ourselves or others, and the problem goes beyond our chapter member’s experiences. Even when I see massive shifts within the communities I work with, I still don’t always have access to impact their alumnae who perhaps had membership experiences that are no longer in line (if they ever were in line) with the values we want our actions to represent. The association between sorority recruitment and competition is palpable and, unfortunately from my point of view, also highly contagious from alumnae to collegians. Is it a reasonable expectation then, to think that our members will commit to promoting the value of sorority membership over wanting others to find their identity in specific letters? And furthermore, do we have a chance at impacting toxic levels of competition engrained in alumnae?
THE GOOD NEWS
There are intentional shifts that are possible to make in order to root this rule in what is essential to its success: integrity. There is also compelling evidence that serves as a quick and timely motivator.
From what we are learning about growing shifts in college admissions trends and the distinct differences between Millenials and Gen Z to the Abolish Greek Life movement and recruitment registration numbers being down as a whole, it's a great time to step back and realign. According to this Stanford study, Gen Z highly values collaboration and authenticity. When we couple this finding with admissions trends showing more first gen and non-legacy students and who it is we are now recruiting, there are highly compelling reasons to shift our practices. Helping our organizations to thrive is only part of it. These shifts are essential to our organizations’ actual survival over the next 10-20 years.
MOVING FORWARD
Growth and success in our Panhellenic communities are possible but will be contingent on two things: creating trust and respect amongst chapters and rooting everything we do in integrity. Community leaders and chapter leaders will need to spend time evaluating and then educating members on “the why” of their campus’ policies. Leaders will need to root themselves in patience and grace as they embrace the learning curve of members who are only told “how we have always done it”. It will take time and patience and education. It will also take sincere investment in the community. I don’t believe it's a fair ask of chapter members to promote the sorority experience if they only know of their own. Investing in spaces for members to truly get to know other Panhellenic members beyond the check-box sister sorority events that often take place in silos anyway is a really wise investment. It’s harder to stereotype people you’ve spent time with. It’s harder to talk trash about a woman when you’ve looked in her eyes, seen her humanness and shared something personal.
Helping involved alumnae understand “the why” of our processes needing to shift and become grounded in our values- as well as how critical it is to our continued existence- is equally vital. After identifying this universal, generational disconnect, I developed a workshop specifically for chapter recruitment advisors to help shape how they lead and support student leaders as it relates to this data, which has proven to be very helpful to chapter advisors, campus based professionals and collegians. In order for the “Promotion of the Sorority Experience” to truly encompass promoting the Panhellenic experience as a whole, it is essential that we get everyone on the same page with our practices, motives and intentions. And the good news is: we are finding it possible.
The third piece of valuable education comes in ensuring our members know the value of membership beyond a four-year social life so that they can help promote it. Our international organizations have so much to offer their members beyond their collegiate years, as does the National Panhellenic Conference. Scholarships, both for undergrad and later for alumnae life. Networking for jobs and connections for friendships in new places a job or life takes you. Leadership opportunities and resume-builders. Disaster relief funds available to alumnae whose collegiate experience took place long ago. Gen Z cares about the value of their investment and this is a huge marketing tool that we are currently not utilizing to its potential. I’m concerned at how often I meet with Panhellenic leaders who are not aware of these benefits beyond a scholarship here or there, so naturally it continues that our basic members don’t know how to promote the overall experience- because they don’t understand the value.
I believe all any of us want is to be seen, known, and to hold value in the communities we find ourselves in. And there is always an opportunity to provide that. It’s easy for both our members and leaders to get wrapped up in the perfect storm of insecurity and comparison and not realize that our expounded energy is being wasted in places that don’t serve us. (How ironic that our insistence on knowing what is said on Yik Yak is what funds its very toxic existence.) We can choose more wisely and simultaneously live up to our claimed values. There is massive untapped collective power in Panhellenic communities just waiting to shine through. And when we decide to adopt confidence-driven behaviors and invest in deeper connections across letter-lines we will get out of our own way and truly become empowered women who empower women. "Panhellenic Love.” I love the sentiment and I believe in the possibilities. But it has to be more than a t-shirt.
Want to be part of the conversation?
Join our ZOOM meeting on Wednesday, July 20th at 4pm EST to hear, share and explore ideas as to how you can help Panhellenic leaders establish guidelines for Positive Panhellenic Contact that both promote the overall experience as well as create accountability for chapters and members who abuse the process.
Lizz carter clark
Lizz is an international speaker, best-selling author of the book How to Find Your Moxie and the founder of the nonprofit College Moxie. Lizz works with campuses across the country and corporations globally, empowering people to know their worth and break free from comparison in order to build happier, healthier communities. Feel free to reach her at lizz@collegemoxie.org or @collegemoxie.