People do not trust your organization.
Tough pill to swallow right?
So often, I hear members say that your chapters care about creating inviting and welcoming spaces for folks with marginalized identities, yet you are met with disdain by your peers.
I hear you say that they are posting on social media honoring Black History Month… and Women’s History Month… and even Pride Month! Yet, you are told that you are being performative in your actions by other students.
I hear predominately white organizations say that you want to start programming with culturally-based fraternal organizations (CBFOs) on your campus, yet you are told that you are just tokenizing them in an effort to appear inclusive.
Do you see the disconnect?
We expect folks to simply believe we have the best intentions without building any trust or effort to address structural issues in fraternities & sororities. How can we expect for change to occur when we have made little to no effort to build trust through addressing racist practices that continue to exist within our organizations? Misogynistic practices that continue to run rampant throughout our organizations? Violence against LGBTQIA+ folks actively occurring and ignored by our organizations?
Why should people trust us when we have given no reason to?
You see, I believe that change moves at the speed of trust. This means that we cannot expect for there to be major progress in our fraternities & sororities until we begin to understand that there have been immense levels of harm caused to the communities that we now try to brush over with an Instagram post or ill-prepared email connection.
As Lawrence Ross denotes, sorority and fraternity life (SFL) has been historically white-dominated: until the 1960s, the Interfraternity Conference (IFC) and National Panhellenic Conference (NPC) had white-only membership clauses. Yes, the 60s. And while these clauses no longer exist, systemic oppression persists today.
While queer folks have always been a part of college fraternities & sororities, they were & are often closeted until after graduation. Even at its bare foundation, Greek life organizes itself based on the gender binary, creating an immediate barrier for people who do not fit in those boxes.
Numerous studies have suggested that fraternity men are three times more likely to sexually assault women than nonaffiliated classmates. Women in sororities are 74% more likely to be raped than other college women.
It would be fallacious to say that fraternities and sororities have caused no harm on campuses across the country, and honestly the first step to building trust and breaking down walls is to acknowledge that fact. Being honest about the fact that our chapters have fallen short in the past, and being transparent around where our organizations are in our DEI journeys.
So, are you ready to begin the arduous and challenging process of trust-building in your community? Are you willing to lean into the uncomfortability and listen to the needs of other people? If so, here are some places where I would start as a leader in my organization.
Do the work.
That’s the statement, period. If you want people to trust your organization when you say you are committed to change, then you have to do the work of change. You have to do the foundational work of educating your members and advisors of the structural issues that exist within fraternity and sorority, including racism, sexism, transphobia, ableism, sizeism, classism, and homophobia just to name a few. You have to acknowledge and address problematic rules, policies, norms, and programs that are exacerbating inequities within your organization, and develop new policies and norms that foster belonging.
In order to begin to build trust on your campus, you cannot just post on Instagram or have one mandatory DEI event a term. One-off DEI events are often not effective because they do not address the underlying issues that contribute to a lack of diversity, equity, and inclusion. They often lack a clear objective, have no follow-up, and have no connection to the broader DEI strategies of the organization. The solutions are not simple actions, you have to do the work.
Listen to folks with marginalized identities.
This is where many people do not want to venture, because it can get really uncomfortable here. In order to build trust, we have to listen when people tell us that they are hurting. We have to listen when they tell us why they are hurting. We have to listen when they tell us why they do not trust us.
Sometimes, I believe that we act like it is a mystery why people do not trust our organizations. As if it is only outlandish stigmas and stereotypes that are placed on fraternities and sororities, when in fact most of the generalizations of SFL are based in fact. There are many books, articles, and resources that denote Black students' frustrations with historically white organizations. Many resources and people that have denoted LGBTQIA+ folks’ frustrations with the continued exclusion and violence towards queer folks in most SFL spaces. Take the time to learn, listen to, and believe folks when they tell you their truth and experience.
Because people are telling you exactly what they need, will you listen?
Be transparent … and be honest.
Let me provide a real world example. Fraternity #1 and #2 both have a problematic past as it pertains to addressing homophobia and transphobia in their organizations and have exacerbated issues on their campus. As we approach June, the fraternities take two different approaches to the month.
Fraternity #1 posts a graphic for Pride month on June 1st with a generic caption reading, “Happy Pride Month to all that celebrate! 🌈”. They are met with resistance almost immediately as members of the campus community post comment after comment ranging from experiences of homophobia interacting with members of the fraternity to direct accusations of the performative nature of the post.
Now, Fraternity #2 posts the same graphic for Pride month on June 1st, but they share this caption:
“This Pride Month, we want to acknowledge the homophobic history of fraternities and take accountability for our chapter's mistakes around addressing the issue. We know that the LGBTQIA+ community has had to fight for acceptance, inclusion, and civil rights in a society that has historically shunned their very existence.
We want to make an explicit commitment to addressing homophobia and transphobia in our organization, and intend to hold ourselves accountable to the commitments that we are making. We will cherish and value the individual stories of the queer community, especially those at the intersection of being LGBTQIA+ and other historically excluded groups, including persons of color, immigrants, and the disabled. By uncomfortably confronting homophobia, transphobia, and systemic bigotry, we acknowledge the hurt our society has caused, and want to help our LGBTQIA+ members feel safe and supported in our organization.
We are committed to educating ourselves and partnering with other organizations to promote DEI initiatives. Additionally, we are creating a DEI coalition specifically to focus on addressing inequities in our chapter and building policies and norms towards belonging. This coalition will be given a budget and direct decision-making power. Lastly, we want to create a culture of honesty, transparency, and openness, and understand that accountability from our campus community comes with that.”
Which organization would you have more trust in to actually create change? Which fraternity would you trust to be a space that will be safe for queer people to exist one day?
There is a clear answer to me, and that stems directly from their commitment to transparency and honesty. Fraternity #2 was honest about where they were as an organization and had a clear path of where they needed to go. They took accountability for where they have fallen short and even accepted that accountability from their campus community is a critical piece of maintaining transparency and openness as an organization. Transparency and honesty is foundational for trust, so you have to be willing to give up your illusion of perfection as a means of building the organizations we dream to have.
Be consistent and recognize oppression wasn’t built in a day.
Trust is a currency of change, and most organizations naively believe that trust is an infinite resource when it absolutely is not. Every time you ask your members to take a survey, or speak up during chapter meetings, that takes trust. When you reach out to CBFOs to start to build a relationship, that takes trust. When you post commitments to change on your chapter social media page, that takes trust. Whenever you fulfill your commitment, respect the feedback given during chapter, or follow through on your relationship building, the trust that was spent is rewarded with more interest in the organization and its efforts. When you don’t fulfill a commitment, or disregard feedback given from marginalized members of the community, that trust is lost.
Also, just like currency, it is really hard to build trust as quickly as we would like. I speak to student leaders who want to have relationships with many different communities of people immediately, and my response is always the same.
The walls that separate us were not built in a day.
The structural oppressions that exist within our fraternities and sororities were not rooted in a day.
This is a result of decades and centuries of continued exclusion, mistreatment, and violence towards Black students, queer students, disabled students, trans students, women, the list goes on and on.
So, as we said at the beginning of this, people don’t trust your organization… but that doesn’t mean there is nothing you can do about it.
Do the uncomfortable work of equity and inclusion building. Listen to the valid concerns and perspectives of people with marginalized identities, AND believe them. Be transparent, honest, and embrace the community accountability that comes with that. Lastly, be consistent, and accept that it will take time for trust to be built, and you can not rush that process.
Change moves at the speed of trust (and pressure). No faster, and no slower.
References
https://emorywheel.com/author-lawrence-ross-talks-racism-on-college-campuses-greek-life/
https://citeseerx.ist.psu.edu/viewdoc/download?doi=10.1.1.724.8882&rep=rep1&type=pdf
Zheng, L. (2021). DEI Deconstructed: Your No-Nonsense Guide to Doing the Work and Doing It Right. Berrett-Koehler Publishers.
Qy’Darrius McEachern
Q is a national speaker + consultant who strives to make his audiences feel positively uncomfortable during speaking engagements/consultations, as he believes that this is a learning feeling that drives growth + change. Q helps organizations take meaningful steps towards fostering true belonging through justice-focused work. He is a proud member of Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Inc. and lives near Raleigh, NC with his partner & eight-month old son.
Connect with Qy’Darrius at mceachernspeaks.com or on Instagram @mceachernspeaks